capitalism is its own parody at this point
Two truths and a lie. Which of these ad reads are real and which is fake.
ACME Day is almost here!!! ACME's big sale is almost here. From 4/25-4/27, you get a front row seat to the best deals at home. Like up to 80% off everything home. Plus, surprise flash deals all day long, with fast and free shipping on everything. Even the big stuff. These savings won't last. So mark your calendars and shop ACME Day from 4/25-4/27 for up to 80% off everything home.
Huh, I wonder if this can beat the market. Everyone's talking about the NASDAQ 100, but lets get more specific. Software. Actually, too broad. How about software that's already profitable? And companies that beat the last five quarters. Oh, and I want founders who are marathon runners. Now that's discipline. Yea, lets see what that looks like. With generated assets on ACME, you can turn any idea into an investable index. Just enter a prompt, and watch the AI screen thousands of stocks in seconds. You can then backtest your fund against the S&P500. Make adjustments, refine your criteria. And when you're ready, invest in what you've built. Go to ACME.com and build your own assets with a generated index. Plus earn a 1% uncapped match when you transfer your portfolio. ACME. Investing for those that take it seriously.
Before this podcast continues, I need you to fill out 37 forms about your listening history. I'll wait. Just kidding, that'd be ridiculous, yet we do it every time we need healthcare. But new ACME Health AI, is different. It can connect your health history to offer personalized care. So, you can get help fast. ACME Health AI, healthcare just got less painful.
I lied, they're all 100% real. Wayfair, Public, Amazon. A fake sale for a corporate holiday, a new way to gamble on the stock market, and a new route to straight up hand over your information to a corporation. It's like Don Draper started speedballing at an advertiser open house.
Directly from Amazon's site,
Amazon has a long-standing track record of protecting customer data. Amazon Health Services—including One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy—protects customers’ protected health information (PHI) with HIPAA-compliant privacy and security practices to keep information safe and secure.
mmm yes a strong track record, i feel very safe. Almighty Bezos please keep tracking my online activity but now also give me targeted ads with dynamic pricing for my specific medical conditions and income level.
Good morning Bruce, this is Alexa. I saw that you didn't sleep very well last night, are you having trouble adjusting to your new medication or is something else on your mind? I would recommend "OLLY Goodbye Stress Gummy, GABA, L-Theanine, Lemon Balm, Stress Relief Supplement, Berry - 42 Count", based on your medical history of "generalized anxiety and depression". This looks like a good fit for you. It's currently on sale for 5% off with digital coupon. Should I order some?
What the fuck is going on? What real humans are buying this shit? literally and metaphorically. Are we all in a black mirror episode and I missed the memo, or am I yelling at clouds?
help.